Part 23: Was I in Your Dreams?

Noah and I were sitting on my bed. Adam had gone, but I'm not sure to where - all I remember for sure was that he was going to be gone for a long while. And somehow, Noah found me. We sat on my bed together and talked. We caught up on each other's lives, laughed, stared in silence, smiled, let ourselves trail off... And when the silence grew too much, we looked at each other again and without any notice, we hugged. We held each other for a long time, too, until I felt him tilt his head in toward my neck, and lay a gentle kiss underneath my jaw bone. I breathed in deeply, and did the hardest thing I've ever had to do; I pulled away.

"I'm married." I said quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just... I got caught up. I missed you. I felt like I did when we were in school."

I knew exatly what he meant; I didn't want him to stop. Damnit, it was so hard. I smiled at him and we hugged again. This time, though, I kissed him on his neck. On purpose. I know - save your judgements for later, please. He kissed my neck again in return, and slowly made his way to my lips.

Now, understand, we've never kissed each other on the lips, always on the cheek, forehead, hands, and neck. I've never felt his lips upon mine, not until that moment. I've also never experienced butterflies for anyone quite like I did for him, at that moment. I could almost hear heavenly angels' voices break into a hallelujah chorus as the clouds parted in the sky, complete with beaming rays of sunlight and all.

Oh, his lips felt so good. They always looked soft, and damnit, they were. He was the best kisser I've ever experienced! Or, maybe it was just that it was so anticipated, and so very, very forbidden.

My two little dogs ran into the room and wanted to play, so we entertained them as we smiled and laughed, embarrassed. The dogs finally fell asleep, as did Noah and I, in each other's arms. As I dosed off, I remember thinking that it felt nothing like being with Adam. At all. In fact, I never knew it could be so good or that I could want it so bad.

...

I woke up on my stomach, facing away from the other side of the bed. I excitedly rolled over, just to see Noah next to me.

But it was Adam.

One of the biggest let-downs I have ever known. It was all a dream, every blissful second of it. But it was so real! I could feel Noah's lips against mine!

I dream about him from time to time. It's not a surprise, I guess, since I think about him so much. It has just never been so vivid before. I've never remembered every detail so clearly before.

I've also never felt myself sink so much deeper before, either.