Part 5: Logic and Reason

As you have all probably guessed, I ended up marrying Adam. Why, you ask? Well, if I remember correctly, I mentioned that my final separation with Noah lasted 8 long months. Those 8 months were the 8 months prior to our Christmas phone conversation, and I haven't heard from him since. And I'm not sure if it's my over-active self-talk or the cold hard truth, but I think my email is what scared him off.

Either way - as I see it, love is so much deeper than stomach butterflies, sweaty palms, and heart murmurs. And although I felt those things for Noah and not Adam, Adam was the one who was there. He was tangible. He was the one who let me cry to him, who picked me up and dusted me off; the one who had balls enough to tell me how he felt. And since I am of the opinion that love goes deeper than physical attraction - and Adam was my best friend - I figured... why the hell not? Besides, my parents loved him, and that's more than can be said for 95.3% of my ex-boyfriends.

In a lot of ways, I felt pressured to get married and, being a semi-compassionate person, couldn't bear seeing Adam's heart broken.

Plus, I was on the rebound. Noah's disappearance, however expected, didn't exactly go over well with me.

...

Adam and I were married in the spring. It was a beautiful, warm day and the ceremony proceeded without a hitch. Not a single hiccup. It was a small wedding in a tiny chapel on a hill - nothing extravagant; I was surrounded by friends and family, and that's all that mattered. And for the sake of my artist's budget, I recruited my friends and their talents: my friends who attended the Culinary Arts Institute in San Francisco prepared all the food, my peers from the Art Department at the University took the photos, and my brother's indie rock band, Mega, played at the reception. Everything was perfect.

Well, seemingly.

I really hate to say it, and I pray to God that Adam never reads this, but the moment our pastor said "You may now kiss the bride," I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. The deed was done, and there was no turning back. I almost didn't kiss him - it took every ounce of strength I had to actually lean in for it.

What the hell was I doing?