Part 1: The Happy Ending or the Broken Heart?

I didn't marry Adam because I loved him. I married him because he loved me.

I had been in love with another boy – Noah, to be exact – for many, many years. Our relationship was complicated and we didn't talk about it with others, nor did we talk about it with ourselves. He would just show up at my door without calling, I'd let him in and we'd spend the night in each other's arms. Afterwards, he'd disappear for a month without a phone call or even a simple hello as we passed in the halls. This continued for years – quite literally – and each of our meetings grew more and more intense. Over a period of 47 months, we had moved from awkward conversations and short, meaningless hugs to long, heart-felt embraces that neither of us wanted to end and gentle neck kisses underneath sheets and blankets in my small studio apartment bedroom. And the more passionate we became in our brief, impromptu visits, the longer we would spend apart.

The final separation lasted for 8 long months without a visit or a word. I had almost forgotten about him. Almost. Until Adam asked me to marry him. Then, like a tsunami, the memories and feelings came flooding back, and I realized whom I truly loved. I loved Noah.

I needed to know what was going on between Noah and I, what I meant to him. I had heard from a friend that he had moved from our small college town in California to Portland, Oregon. His address had changed. His phone number had changed. It suddenly dawned on me that I had completely lost track of him. I still had his email address, if that hadn’t also changed... Was I to pour out my heart into an email and trust it to convey exactly what I was feeling across miles and miles of wires and air waves?

...

Adam was my best friend. I met him during one of the times Noah and I weren't talking or seeing each other. He knew about my love-meetings with Noah – he was one of the only people I had ever divulged that secret to, and the only one that I felt I could trust.

I would be lying to say that I wasn't attracted to Adam, but my heart was still completely and utterly Noah's. During those long eight months of no contact, Adam and I grew closer. So his marriage proposal came as no surprise.