...I've waited here my whole damn life and I've forgotten what I wanted.
Maybe I can do it if I put my back into it - I can leave you if I wanted, but there's nowhere else that I can go.
Maybe I won't suffer if I find a way to love here - I'd be lying to myself, but there's no way out that I can see.
-Snow Patrol
...
They always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Whoever "they" are, well, they weren't kidding. It's been over a year, and it's still hard - not that I assumed that we would reach the 1 year benchmark and automatically enter into wedded bliss.
Please, don't get me wrong - my marriage is not bad. It's not good, but it's not bad. I've often thought about leaving Adam, but always had an excuse - aside from the fact that I had no real reason to leave him, except that I'm not happy. Neither of us have cheated, I'm not beaten, and quite honestly, I'm treated rather well. I can tell that he loves me and makes genuine effort to make my life easier. I just don't know if that's enough.
For the most part, we have all the usual marital problems; he hates it when I sneak my cold feet under his legs while we're watching TV on the couch, I hate that he leaves his clothes all over the livingroom floor. He doesn't like that I leave my water glass on the coffee table, I can't stand that he forgets to pay bills. But these are things that even roommates go through - nothing to ruin a marriage over, right?
But...
Roommates also don't have to live with each other forever.
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1 comment:
Nic,
I've been married for 11 years now to a man whom I married for almost exactly the same reasons and under exactly the same circumstances as you did.
I love your blog. I started reading it and couldn't stop until I read the whole thing. And I read it backwards, starting at the top, reading down....in time....and it was neat reading it that way.
It would make a good book. I hope you keep adding to it. It's a really fascinating story.
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